Where the Red God Glows Quest

This article contains unmarked spoilers for Book 4.

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THE LIGHTNING IS GONE, BUT HIS LIFE IS STILL GOING DOWN. THE STUPID DOG DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO NOT DIE. I THINK THE SHARKS ARE BITING HIM.[1]

Where the Red God Glows is a Group Quest distributed to Bubble 543 on the Fifth Floor after Carl engages the Gate of the Feral Gods and accidentally pulls Orthrus into the bubble. The Royal Court of Princess Donut is appointed as the quest's host, but all crawlers in the bubble must work together to keep the level 10 puppy alive as they conquer the final quadrant.[2][3]

Successfully completing this quest triggers the Dumber of the Flunkies Quest and the Get Orthrus Quest.[4]

AI Description

New Quest. Where the Red God Glows
THIS IS A GROUP QUEST.
All Crawlers currently within bubble number 543 will receive this quest.
Your party has been designated Host of this Group Quest.
No parties may opt-out of this quest.

Did you ever read the book Where the Red Fern Grows?

Oh, it’s great. It’s about this kid who saves up his money to buy a couple of coonhounds. Little Ann and Old Dan. And there’s a naughty cat involved. A bunch of stuff happens.

Anyway, did you ever notice this strange phenomenon when it comes to earth books about dogs? They always die in the end. Always. What kind of sick, sadistic fuckers are you?

Puppies shouldn’t ever share a world with pain. Yet here we are. Thanks, earth culture.

Orthrus the giant puppy is getting shocked in the ass by a constant barrage of lightning. He’s also getting bitten over and over in the ankles by a bunch of tenacious sharks. It’s starting to hurt. Poor little guy. His health is going down.

His death will be the fault of all of you. Especially Crawler Carl, who callously shoved the poor puppy into a bubble much too small and much too dangerous for him.

If Orthrus dies, the full-powered god Emberus will turn this bubble into a kiln. Good luck getting to a stairwell if that happens.

If the puppy survives the lightning storm and escapes the sharks, odds are pretty good you’ll die anyway. But at least you’ll die knowing you shed this world without ever causing harm to a defenseless puppy.

Oh, except Crawler Maggie My. She once ran over a baby Labrador with her Chevy Tahoe. What a bitch!

Reward: It’s a surprise.[5]

Quest Complete

Quest Complete! Where the Red God Glows!
You removed the puppy from danger! Hurray!

For everybody who was involved in this quest who actually didn’t do anything, shame on you. The next time you’re in mortal danger, I hope you remember this moment when nobody comes out of nowhere to save your ass. At least you all get the same reward.

Reward: You get a new quest![6]

References

  1. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 29) (p. 459). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
  2. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 28)
  3. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 29)
  4. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 30)
  5. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 29) (pp. 449-450). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
  6. ↑ Dinniman, Matt. The Gate of the Feral Gods (Chapter 30) (pp. 469-470). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.