Hoarder

The remaining cockroaches all dropped dead. The door burst into shards. The music stopped. I leaned up against the stinking woman’s dead body, and I tried not to vomit bacon and eggs all over myself.[1]

The Hoarder is a First Floor Neighborhood Boss, and the first boss that Carl and Donut fight inside the Dungeon.

AI Description

The Hoarder!
Level 7 Neighborhood Boss!

Trapped in her pile of rubbish, abandoned by society, the war inside her head has seeped out of her mind and infected both her body and her surroundings. Now nothing more than a garbage troll, the Hoarder is a horrific reminder of what can happen to those who fall out of the light! Protected by her minions, she’ll do anything to keep her precious stockpile safe![2]

Description

The Hoarder appears to be a 15' (4.5m) tall "enormously" obese human woman, approximately 35 years old, with matted black hair and open sores and scabs across her skin. She has only one tooth. She wears a filthy ripped t-shirt, no bra, and tight blue sweatpants with PINK on the leg.[3]

She is constantly coughing up Scatterers; each time, it sounds like "twenty people vomiting all at once."[3]

The Hoarder's Boss Chambers is located at the end of a tunnel, behind a grimy old door with a weathered sign reading No Entrar: por orden del Centro de Salud. The chamber itself is a round, 1500ft2, high-ceilinged room filled with towering mountains of garbage. Open black bags spill fast food wrappers, Spanish language magazines, and empty cans to the floor. The dark room is populated by a number of level 1 and 2 Scatterers.[4][3]

Gallery

Story

Carl and Donut peer inside the room, and Carl decides to lob some Goblin Dynamite inside.[4] The explosion knocks Carl back and takes his health into the red, but the two tentatively enter the room. Once inside, they receive the Boss Babe Achievement and the door magically reforms; three glowing silver bars lock the door in place in place as three skull-headed torches rise from the rubble. Strange music (like a harp playing with distortion over a heavy beat) begins to play, and the System AI announces:

Boss Battle!
You have discovered the lair of a Neighborhood Boss!
Put your game faces on ladies and gentlemen! Aaaand Here. We. Go![5]

The garbage explodes in a geyser and the Hoarder jumps out as though she was fired from a cannon, only to land 20m in front of them. Her face is already half-burnt, and her health is down to 3/4. She pleads in Spanish in her deep, beefy, scared voice.[3]

In the ensuing battle, Donut spends all of her mana firing Magic Missile with little effect. Carl finds a metal chain-link leash in the garbage and loops it around the Hoarder's throat, dragging her to the ground. Scatterers attack him, Donut refuses to help, and the chain breaks. Finally, he punches her to death.

Translation

Line Spanish English
1 No Entrar: por orden del Centro de Salud. Do Not Enter: by order of the Health Center.
2 Ayúdame por favor. No se que esta pasando. Me duele el estómago. No se donde estoy. Por favor, tengo miedo.[6] Please help me. I do not know what is happening. My stomach hurts. I do not know where I am. Please, I am afraid.
3 Lo siento si fui una mala persona. No quería que mi hija se enfermara. No quiero estar en el infierno. Por favor. Por favor envíame a Jesús.[1] I'm sorry if I was a bad person. I didn't want my daughter to get sick. I don't want to be in hell. Please. Please send me to Jesus.

References

  1. 1.0 1.1 Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 11) (p. 102). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
  2. Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 11) (p. 99). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
  3. 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 11)
  4. 4.0 4.1 Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 10)
  5. Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 11) (pp. 97-98). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
  6. Dinniman, Matt. Dungeon Crawler Carl (Chapter 11) (p. 99). Dandy House. Kindle Edition.
Mechanics: Bosses CrawlersElitesNPCs
Keyword Definitions: FeralVorpal